Lately I have been contemplating motherhood. I'm 27 years old and have managed to escape being a single mom prior to getting married this year. I don't think I deserve a medal or anything for not hurling a child into a broken home from day one, but I do think it was a responsible decision that I've made. There have been so many perks to living a childless life thus far while my friends reared their children in their early twenties under a differing variety of circumstances. I have been able to focus on my education and was able to get my Master's degree with honors all the while with little distraction. I have also been able to focus on my career and now I have a fulfilling career as a cancer research scientist at one of the most renowned hospitals in the United States. I've even been able to freely travel quite vigorously over the years. I vacationed in 7 different countries this year alone, all comfortably on my own dime without a worry in the world.
My husband is 30 years old and I think his biological clock may be ticking. Children love him and polarize towards him. Other people's children for the most part give me anxiety, especially if they are unruly. I would imagine my sentiments towards my own children would be very different, but all in all I still enjoy children. Kids are hilarious in their antics, reasoning, and relationships with others. I admire how clearly some children can see the world in which adults never fail to complicate. The real question is, am I ready to disrupt my lazy, self-centered tranquility and replace it with the responsibility to selflessly tend to the needs of a small person who needs my attention and depends on it? I honestly don't think any first time parents is ever ready even when planning their family. Children are expensive, and although its easy to say you know and understand that, there is nothing like a rude awakening that occurs in your bank account!
Then sometimes I sit back and think about all of the sacrifices my mother made for me, and even though I was a pain in the ass, I brought her so much joy, and continue to do so. I want that. Like myself, my mother waited later in life to have a child. She was 30, and although I can't imagine pushing off pregnancy for another 3 years, I think she can relate to me and the challenges I may face as a first time mother. My mother was much like how I am today. She was married, college educated, settled into her career, and financially stable when I got hurled into the mix. I wonder if there were any times she wanted to leave me on someone else's doorstep? I doubt she'd admit it!
One thing I love is watching my husband with children and babies. He coaches an elementary school basketball team and absolutely lights up around the lil rascals! I want to give him that light at home. When I'm in a daze my mind often muses with how our children will look. They will have a lovely sun kissed butter brown skin complexion, with big dark brown eyes, soft curly hair, and fat chubby cheeks that will slender as they grow older. Our children will definitely be tall (my husband is 6'4" and I'm 5'8"!) and thin. I wonder who's personality they will get? Will they be quiet and solitary like my husband, or social busy bodies like me? All the possibilities are exciting! What I'm most excited about is that my first child will be able to be raised bilingual with a dual American and German citizenship. It'll be more exciting for me since their early years spent abroad will mostly likely be forgotten when he or she gets older, but there are always pictures and home videos! I think the change of pace in life that motherhood brings will be good for the both of us.
Until Next Time…
Love ViVi
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